Simple Steps for Parent and Child to Manage COVID-19 Stress

Since the outbreak of COVID-19, our world has rapidly changed. With the recent announcement from Gov. Gavin Newsom that California schools will not be returning back this academic year, the new reality might be setting in for children, teens, and parents. This time has been stressful, on adults and children. And while we know that this stress can’t be healthy for us, it also seems really difficult to manage with everything else going on. Thankfully, there are small, simple steps you and your family can take to help keep stress levels manageable.

Recognize Stress
The first step is recognizing stress. Like adults, stress shows up in children in a myriad of ways. While adults might become withdrawn, short, or irritable, children demonstrate stress with a broad spectrum of emotions. The one thing you can most likely count on though, is that your child will not come up to you and say “I’m stressed.” Instead, you can keep an eye out for these indicators: low emotional threshold, easily frustrated, not able to handle their frustration, combative behaviors, and increased instances of crying, neediness, clinging, and whining. These behaviors are a result of stress, so you might start to see some new behaviors pop up. That’s 100% normal. Even when young ones don’t have the language yet to explain how they’re feeling, they know something is off. And even when it might seem like there is no reason for your child to be stressed, there is a spillover effect of stress from a parent to a child. So the first thing to do? Minimize your stress.

Help Yourself First
Everyone has heard the oxygen mask spiel, right? When the air pressure in a plane decreases, oxygen masks drop down for passengers. Over and over again, parents are told to put on their own mask, then their child’s. Whether you’re a frequent flyer or this is your first time hearing this analogy, most parents have the same thought. “Actually, I’d put my child’s mask on first.” But, what if failing to first secure your own oxygen mask makes you incapable of assisting your child? The same thought holds true when it comes to managing your stress.

It’s incredibly difficult to manage someone else’s emotions when your own are spilling over. And that’s okay. Making minor adjustments will have a long term benefit for you and your family. You can start by focusing on what you can control. Make sure you’re eating well, exercising, minimizing speculative news, and creating a routine that is easy to follow; one that includes downtime for your family. Just handle your day-to-day experience, and if it helps, focus on an hour-by-hour experience. Staying grounded in the present moment can create a sense of ease. Speculating too far into the future only causes anxiety for events you can’t control. If you haven’t looked into mindfulness before, now might be a good time to start. Finally, make sure to communicate what’s happening with your employer. It’s important to have appropriate expectations for what you’re able to navigate professionally, so keep them in the loop. This might sound like a lot, so take it bite by bite, at your own pace.

Let Things Be
Now that you have taken a breath for yourself, helping your child process through their anxieties will feel far more manageable. And they will certainly have some strong emotions around this, so extend some grace. Accept more negative behaviors and be understanding when something new pops up — just treat them like a friend who is having an exceptionally bad day. Would you be hurt if your friend snapped a bit when you know they’re under stress? Probably not. This isn’t the norm, and it won’t be like this forever. A few new behaviors are understandable.

Validate Your Child’s Emotions
A good way to start dealing with negative emotions is by simply validating that they’re there in the first place. Talk through them with your child and facilitate some problem solving through your discussions.

There are also a wealth of resources to help children find their zen. Believe it or not, Sesame Street has created a mindfulness app for toddlers called Breathe, Think, Do, which is helpful advice for anyone. There are tons of resources online to teach coping techniques through mindfulness, songs for young children to manage their emotions, and tips for teens to help cope with the changes. If your child is having a hard time understanding these changes, this socialization story is a helpful walkthrough. All of these resources are meant to build on a healthy foundation, so adequate nutrition and physical activity are still key.

Find the Bright Side
Finally, focus on the good. We are living in an incredibly connected world, so video chatting with friends or family, playing online games together, or just calling and texting are all possibilities to stay in contact with loved ones. Helping your child navigate those features might take a bit of time, but that investment has a big payoff to keep them connected with their community. Healthy attachments and relationships buffer many negative long-term effects of stress, so by including those into your daily routine, and by maintaining a healthy relationship between parent and child, children will be better equipped to navigate their emotions.

This is both a challenging time, and a unique opportunity. Families rarely, if ever, get to spend this much time together. By managing your expectations, creating room for communication and living in the moment, you and your family can navigate this new situation, together.

A special thank you to Katherine Bono for her contributions to this article. Bono is a professor in the Department of Child and Adolescent Studies at Cal State Fullerton, a founder and lead consultant for B.R.I.C.K. Consulting, and a developmental psychologist and researcher. She has spent her career focused on promoting resilience in children with a specific focus on the role of parent-child relationships.