6 Ideas for Grownups to Help Kids Process Big Feelings
We walked into a birthday party when my daughter started clinging to my side. After talking about this party for days, my once-excited preschooler was now crying and refused to join her peers. We sat quietly, talked about what made her nervous, and decided to sit on the side until she felt comfortable with the new surroundings and loud noises. Once her anxiety subsided, my preschooler was running around with a confident smile.
Children process many emotions at once and turn to the caring, trusted adults in their lives to help navigate fear, anxiety or stress. When we pause to acknowledge and talk about feelings, we strengthen children's emotional intelligence and self-confidence, says the National Association for Education of Young Children.
Tips to Embrace Emotions
Here are a few tips to help your child understand and embrace different emotions.
Acknowledge Feelings
Shifting from "there's nothing to be scared of" to "I can see you are feeling scared" validates children's feelings and sets the stage for positive emotional confidence and regulation in the future. While something might not seem scary to you, practice empathy and remember children are experiencing new things every day. In this example from "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood," Dad Tiger acknowledges Daniel Tiger's feelings when he is scared of shadows.
Reassure Kids That All Feelings Are OK
Children can jump between excited, scared and mad within the blink of an eye. As "Sesame Street" reminds us, "building a strong feelings vocabulary is like building a muscle — it takes exercise, practice and hard work." First, you might try Elmo's "Sing It Out" strategy or any of the games, printables and interactives in the "Expressing Emotions" collection from Sesame Street in Communities to help children identify a range of emotions. Then, provide a safe space for your child to express their feelings by talking, singing or reading together.
We Can Have Many Feelings At The Same Time
When Daniel Tiger wants to try riding the Ferris wheel, he feels nervous and excited and remembers that "sometimes you feel two feelings at the same time, and that's OK." Help your child by reassuring them that it is normal to feel many emotions simultaneously. Together, share these emotions out loud, and help find a balance between competing emotions.
Three Ideas for Hands-On Experiences
Talking about emotions helps children develop positive mental health, self-awareness and emotional confidence. We can also support this process with hands-on, tactile learning experiences. You might try some of these low-cost, low-mess crafts:
Create a Playdough Worry Bug
Sometimes having a concrete object that they can hold, touch or smoosh can help children process feelings they can't see.
"For a child, using something tangible that fosters their creativity, allows the natural transfer of the emotions" from internal to external, says clinical social worker Niamh Kennaugh.
Use clay or playdough to sculpt a customized "worry bug." As the California Preschool Curriculum Framework suggests, you might allow for open-ended creativity by prompting, "What does your worry bug look like?" When your child is experiencing big emotions, strategize how to squash the worry bug.
Design a Feelings Catcher
Using everyday materials, construct a feelings catcher to place around the house and trap big emotions.
- To start, cut small notches on the side of a paper plate.
- Then, weave pipe cleaners or other strings across the plate to form a net to "catch the feelings." If you want another design, you can cut a hole in the center of the plate, so the woven pieces of the net are more visible.
- Add flowy ribbon, streamers, or yarn to the bottom, and bend a pipe cleaner at the top as a hook.
- Place your feelings catcher on a door knob, refrigerator or bedside. Ask your child to describe the feelings that get caught in the net.
Float Emotions Away With Bubbles
Make homemade bubbles with dish soap, water and a disposable cup.
- Cut the top of a plastic or paper cup to form a ring, and mix water and dish soap in a bowl.
- Dip the bottom of the cup upside-down in the bowl.
- Blow through the ring to form bubbles.
- Then, ask your child to put their big feelings in the bubbles and watch as they float away. Remember, it's OK if the feelings linger for a while. Watching the bubbles float might help your child focus and calm their body.
Small children have big emotions. As their caregiver, you have all the tools you need to help them build their emotional intelligence.
